by Rick Lundy, Founder of Minds Over Matter Mental Health Society
Note: Our June newsletter published a story titled “Dennis: A Can-Do Kind of Guy.” It talked about Dennis, who died by suicide in March 2023. If you or someone you know is struggling, please call Talk Suicide at 1-833-456-4566 or you can call the Calgary Distress Centre at 403-266-4357.
A group of Highland Park residents are remembering Dennis through newsletter articles to share information and educate about mental health. The following is our first article and is published with permission from the author, Rick Lundy.
The founder of Minds Over Matter Mental Health Society in Calgary, I was asked, “Why don’t men reach out for mental health resources the same as women do?” I remember years ago, when my kids were young, how one of their friends fell off the swing and hurt his foot. The dad marched over to his son lying on the ground and picked him up. I heard him say, “Don’t cry, be a big boy.” His son started to cry and the dad replied, “You are being a baby!”
Men are programmed, as little boys, that crying and showing emotions is a negative thing and a sign of weakness. The little boy was hurt, but he could not cry without his dad making comments that could stay with him forever.
Men may have trouble reaching out because boys are programmed as children that crying, feelings, or any act that shows vulnerability are signs of weakness and that “real” men are not weak – what an antiquated thought. The truth is the exact opposite: it takes courage and strength, no matter who you are, to take those first steps of accepting that you need help.
Men that are in a good place mentally tend to be better husbands, sons, fathers, employees, and friends. It is hard to function in any role if you are not functioning as a person first. As many of us know, suicides are high in middle-aged men and most times, they have suffered in silence. It manifests and eats away at every piece of you and eventually, as with everything under pressure, it bursts.
Listen men. Let’s show strength by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to get the help we need. There is no reason that we need to battle mental illness alone. Why let this build until self-harm or suicide is a viable option when there are so many other options available?
I have talked with numerous men that have sought out and received help and they are so grateful that they did. So, what is stopping you?
Put your ego, control, and misconceptions behind you and make the first step. Either talk to family, friends, coworkers, or better yet, ask a professional for help. This could be the best decision that you will make in your whole life.
Men…. let us be strong, brave, and vulnerable. Reach out!
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