There’s a little quirk in human psychology that shows up at work: people respond very differently depending on whether you ask them for advice or for feedback.
When you ask for feedback, you’re implicitly pointing to something you’ve already done. That frames the other person as an evaluator. Evaluators slide into a retrospective mindset. They look for flaws, gaps, and places where the airplane rattled on take-off. That can be useful, but it often feels like critique, even when delivered gently.
Psychologically, people being asked for feedback often become more cautious and more distant. They evaluate you more, not just the work.
When you ask for advice, you flip the time direction forward. You’re not asking someone to grade your past; you’re inviting them into your future. That makes the other person a collaborator, not a critic.
Advice triggers a more imaginative, constructive mindset: “What could be done next? How would I approach it? How can we make this better?”
Research shows that people tend to think more positively about someone who asks for advice than someone who asks for feedback, because the request signals respect: I value your thinking enough to place my next move in your hands.
If you want surgical, retrospective examination, ask for feedback. If you want broader thinking, empathy, and collaborative energy, ask for advice.
In workplaces, especially ones where people guard their calendars like dragons hover over treasure, advice tends to land softer, build relationships faster, and generate more forward-focused ideas. It also lowers defensiveness; nobody likes feeling judged, including the person doing the judging.
Karl Plesz
Productivity Guru
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