This is something that really took me some time and awareness to change. Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian…sorry?! Over-apologizing can be rooted in people-pleasing, a fear of conflict, feeling like you’re a burden, or that you don’t have a place to express yourself freely. The good news is you can unlearn it by becoming more aware of when you say “sorry” and replacing it with more confident or accurate expressions.
Here’s how to start:
- Notice Your Patterns
Start paying attention to when you say “sorry.” Is it when you:
- Ask a question?
- Express a need?
- Walk past someone?
- Take up space?
Awareness is the first step.
- Swap “Sorry” for More Empowering Phrases
a). When you’re late
Instead of: “Sorry I’m late.”
Try: “Thanks for your patience.” or “I appreciate you waiting for me.”
b). When you didn’t respond right away
Instead of: “Sorry I didn’t get back to you.”
Try: “Thanks for your patience while I got back to you.” or “I appreciate your patience.”
c). When you need something
Instead of: “Sorry to bother you, but…”
Try: “Do you have a moment?” or “Can I ask you something?” or “Are you free for a consult?”
d). When you accidentally bump into someone
Instead of: “Sorry!”
Try: “Excuse me.” or “Pardon me.”
e). When you disagree
Instead of: “Sorry, but I think…”
Try: “I see it differently.” or “Here’s another perspective…” or just be curious and ask for more information on the topic.
f). When you’re expressing emotion
Instead of: “Sorry I’m crying.” or “I’m sorry I’m so angry.”
Try: “Thanks for being here while I process this.” or “I’m feeling a lot right now.” or “Wow, this is overwhelming.”
- Use Apologies Intentionally
Apologize when you genuinely hurt someone or made a mistake. That keeps apologies meaningful. For everything else, aim for assertiveness and gratitude.
