Showing up as secure in romantic relationships involves fostering trust, communication, and self-awareness.
- Work on Yourself – Build your self-esteem and confidence. Know your worth and understand that you are deserving of love and respect.
- Communicate Openly – Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly with your partner. Encourage them to do the same.
- Trust – Trust yourself and trust your partner. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Avoid unnecessary jealousy and possessiveness. Unless they truly show you otherwise, then trust your gut.
- Set Boundaries – Establish clear boundaries and respect each other’s boundaries. Boundaries help maintain a sense of safety and autonomy within the relationship.
- Be Supportive – Offer support and encouragement to your partner. Show empathy and understanding towards their experiences and emotions.
- Maintain Independence – While it’s important to be close to your partner, maintain your independence and individual interests. This helps prevent co-dependency and maintains a healthy balance in the relationship. This also helps you show up as a whole person.
- Address Insecurities – Recognize and address your own insecurities. They can self-sabotage good relationships. Seek therapy or counselling if necessary to work through deeper issues. Do the personal work, you won’t regret it.
- Practice Self-Care – Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Prioritize activities and habits that promote your wellbeing. Your partner will support you in this if they too are healthy.
- Focus on the Present – Avoid dwelling on past relationship traumas or projecting future fears onto your current relationship. Stay present and focus on building a positive connection with your partner. Take the time to get to know the new person in your life before making big changes and decisions with them.
- Seek Growth Together – Continuously work on personal growth and relationship skills together. Attend couples therapy or workshops to strengthen your bond and deepen your understanding of each other. A partner who is open to their own growth and self-awareness is a green flag.
The following are tips to help your anxious partner to feel more secure:
- Communication – Keep open and honest communication about your feelings, plans, and concerns.
- Reassurance – Offer regular affirmations of your love, commitment, and support.
- Trust – Build and maintain trust by being reliable, dependable, and transparent. This allows space for both of you to share and explore your vulnerabilities.
- Empathy – Listen actively (listen to understand, not defend) and empathize with your partner’s emotions and experiences.
- Boundaries – Respect your partner’s boundaries and communicate your own clearly.
- Quality Time – Spend meaningful time together, creating positive experiences and memories.
- Appreciation – Show appreciation for your partner’s efforts, qualities, and contributions.
- Consistency – Be consistent in your actions and behaviours to foster a sense of security and stability.
- Problem Solving – Work together to address any concerns or challenges that arise in the relationship. A relationship is not one sided.
- Self-Care – Take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your own well-being contributes to the overall health of the relationship.
Book Suggestions:
- The Power of Attachment – Diane Poole Heller
- You are the One You’ve Been Waiting For – Richard C. Schwartz
- Attached – A. Levine & S. Heller
