Just because we speak and understand the same language doesn’t necessarily mean we are good communicators. One of the most common reasons couples seek my services is to learn better ways to communicate. The list below is for anyone who would like to hone their own skills.
Let’s Start with Some Bad Habits in Communication:
1. Interrupting – This can make it seem like you don’t care what the other person is saying. Yes, sometimes I get excited and blurt things out but it’s important to acknowledge the other and be respectful to allow them to continue. This can also be an issue if you are neurodivergent, and the speaker doesn’t know this.
2. Story-Topping – This can shift the conversation from connection to competition.
3. Bright-Siding – Always encouraging others to be positive or look on the bright-side can be invalidating. Toxic positivity is a thing, allow others to feel what they are feeling.
4. Being Right – The conversation becomes a debate or about being right. Try to listen to understand the other’s point of view…you might learn something new.
5. Being All-Knowing – Explaining information without being asked for your expertise. This can sometimes make you look like a know-it-all.
6. Advising – Sometimes people just want empathy or just to be heard. They didn’t ask for your advice. Do not offer it unsolicited. This can also be seen a boundary violation.
Here Are Some Habits of Good Communicators:
1. They create conversational safety free from judgement, fault finding, or rejection. Just be there to listen.
2. They validate other people’s feelings with statements like; that makes sense, of course, or I get that. It doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way, but you are showing that how they feel is valid.
3. They follow their natural curiosity by asking questions that show interest and seeking to know more. Nothing feels better than someone showing interest in what you have to say or wanting to get to know you better.
4. They listen with their whole body by being fully present while listening; not looking around or looking at their phone and are giving non-verbal cues that they are fully engaged such as eye contact and facing the speaker.
5. They hear what’s beneath the words by reading the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. This is an art form of attuning to another.
